This morning my dear sweet wife, Crys, showed me an article about the use of the word Gypsy.
https://www.bitchmedia.org/article/gypsy
It's a well written article about the use of the word, it's reference to a maligned ethnic group and has prompted us to no longer use a word that causes people distress, especially since that was never our intent.
This is where I'm going to do the right thing. It's also half my blog, and I'm going to go off for a moment. Then I'm going to do the right thing.
I'm a 57 year old white man. I grew up a poor, sometimes hungry, redneck, blue collar, ignorant kid surrounded by my african american playmates. I didn't know I was poor till I got older. I didn't know there was a difference between my self and my playmates until I went to school. We were all poor kids, playing in the dirt and the woods and the only difference was who came up with the best idea of what to do that day outside (because you didn't dare go back in the house until dark).
As I got older I learned that I was privileged. I learned it was my job to hand back the power and privilege I was awarded due to a skin color that I had no more hand in choosing than my playmates did with theirs.
I've tried to do that every day of my life.
With maligned and mistreated folks who are a different color, gender, religion (OK still have a little trouble with the whole talking snake thing but I try), belief system etc.
I'm not arguing that I didn't benefit from white male privilege, I will submit that it was a little hard to see when there were programs and help for every other group and I got told to shut up and go to work at shit jobs to get by while getting kicked in the teeth by the folks I was trying to be a good person for, and do the right thing. Scratch that. I didn't do it for any other reason than it was the right fucking thing.
I'm still doing it. This morning the blog title caught me by surprise and I'm going to explain why, once again, being shown my ignorance made me mad.
In short? I'm tired. I'm tired of finding out I had identified with a group that wasn't the male white one and then finding out that having willing ostracized myself from "my" white male group because I found it's actions generally repulsive I wasn't allowed to belong to any of the other groups because when they look at me they see white male privilege.
And I'm saying it here because it's half my damned page and I can say what I want to. When I go out in the world and show my face I'll act right, responsible, happy to once again have handed over something I identified with, felt a resonance to, deeply had taken to be a part of who I am and inside? I've lost something else. I've been told I'm a terrible white man, and while I'm expected to remove myself from causing others pain from words or deeds? No matter how much I do it I'll never be welcomed into those groups.
Why did I identify with the term Gypsy? We named the blog that because the life Crys and I lead brought us to being ostracized from our homes, a great deal of our friends, the dominant religious and moral/ethical approach as much of the rest of the country we live in. We felt we'd found a place to finally put down some roots on our terms and relax.
It's still that. And I regret, once again, having my ignorance shown the light of truth and not being able to willingly stay in the ignorance. And part of me fucking totally completely hates every single god damned second of it. I'm tired. And it'll never get better no matter how much I do. Because there will always be one more thing I haven't found out yet. Yes, it's because I'm white and privileged. (HA) And I'll keep doing the right thing. God damn it. Because the crazy white racist woman that raised me somehow taught me that we're all the same, and I should always do the right thing because, "two wrongs don't make a right".
Now, to change the name to something I hopefully won't have to change again, make a post about the great day we had yesterday and move on.
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